He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
