wakey wakey hands off snakey
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
