this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
