I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need a beard to bite.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
