why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
