i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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