you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
