Can Purell be used as lube?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
