I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This is the prime rib incident all over again
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
