Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
