Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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