Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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