6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
