i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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