pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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