Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
