i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
