3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
