Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
