the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
