she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
