the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just gargled with NyQuil
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
