i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
