I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
