I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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