i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My life is pants optional.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
