dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
