we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
