Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
