I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
