Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
