I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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