Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
