He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
