I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
