if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
