so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
