Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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