My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
