Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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