he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
