my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
