Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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