I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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