so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
