he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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