i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
