Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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