so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
