Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I looked at my own cervix.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
