Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
